What Really Matters To You?

I have no idea why last week, I yearned to come home so much. There was a loneliness within me, and I particularly felt disconnected and far away. I like to write things down, as it helps me to let them go. It is freeing my mind, allowing it to wonder some more, and be in the now. I am passed being superstitious about Friday the thirteenth, so when I woke up yesterday, it was about the crucial conversations at work and then home time! In fact, I had forgotten about the date, reminded only when I sat at my desk and I jotted down the date in my notebook.

It snuck up on me. It was not a full on assault, but subtle. I was in a meeting when Chomba called. "You better pick that call up", a little voice inside of me said. I got up, and luckily enough I was sitting close to the door in the large meeting room. I can't quite remember what Chomba's first words to me were, but I sensed her preparing to tell me something bad... While my head went racing as to who could have died, or who could have been in an accident, I quickly shifted away from death, as Chomba's voice, while sounding concerned, was not at all forlorn. I sensed hope, so "it can't be death" I thought to myself.

"Mr Oxley phoned me to tell me that Maya had an asthma attack," Chomba said to me. "She did take her puff, and she is reacting positively to it...". In one sense, I was calming down, as I now knew what was wrong, and the severity of the problem. In another sense, I got anxious, as I was not comfortable with being in Johannesburg, more than one thousand four hundred kilometres from my family. Further to that, Maya was on camp, not near Chomba, and I have no idea how far away the camp was from the nearest hospital.

I did have a sense of comfort that Derek (Mr Oxley), knew how to handle the situation. It's something that we take for granted as parents, the confidence we have in the competence of the teacher to take care of our children. We shouldn't, that is a real blessing indeed. I asked Chomba to keep me updated via WhatsApp, as I was going to be in a string of meetings up until the day's end.

Well, I could hardly keep my eyes off of the phone. I was constantly checking WhatsApp, and even had to remind Chomba that 12h30 had come and gone and she had not contacted me. Chomba had said to me that at 12h30, she would be picking up Maya from school, as they would be back from camp. When the phone rang, I was now upstairs in another meeting.

I did nit hesitate, I answered while making a quick dash to the door. It was such a relief to hear Maya's voice. "Daddy, are you scared?" she asked me... "I don't like it that I am so far away," I said to her. "I was scared that you might panic...". I avoided the question she was really asking me. I later sent her a text, confirming her suspicion. I can't teach my children to be authentic, by hiding my vulnerability.

I allowed Maya to tell me some of her camp stories, the high and the low, as she was not particularly happy that she did not win the poitjie challenge. I had to go back into the meeting, but I figured it could wait. I had to give Maya some airtime, as highly likely she would be sleeping by the time I got home. I could always catch up on the discussion in the meeting room in a matter of minutes during the course of the day.

I felt much better, and probably checked back in to the office in full, after our call. Up until then, I was floating between my thoughts, my phone and my work.

The rest of my day, and my trip home was to come with more drama. That is another story altogether. Let's just say that where I was scheduled to land in a Cape Town at 22h00 on Friday night, I only got here at 01h00 Saturday morning!