Is Lack Of Communication Really The Problem?

The issue of communication or the lack of it has been a favourite topic at workshops and team buildings for as long as I can remember. It was a problem when I started working twenty years ago. In fact it was a problem long before I entered the world of work. We in the working world have had countless opportunities to try and find a solution, but still it persists. If there is no solution, maybe there is no problem. Is lack of communication really the problem?

Epictetus, the Greek philospher, said "Nature hath given men one tongue but two ears, that we may hear from others twice as much as we speak". This wisdom was provided to us nineteen centuries ago! If you look at how you go about things, would you say you speak more or less than you listen?

I see it in meetings time and time again. If you just took five seconds before responding to someone, what difference do you think it will make in communication? If you let the other person speak and finish, and actually listened to what they said before responding, how will it affect communication? Listening is not the same thing as being quiet and blocking out what the other is saying so that you can focus on what your own response is. That is quietly ignoring someone.

Alternatively we can get so carried away in the conversation, that we actually listen to what we are thinking, which is not the same thing as listening to what the other person is saying either. While it may seem like the idea of slowing things down in conversation, will make everything take longer, you will be surprised at how much you will get to the end result quicker. How many meetings have you been in, where you simply listened and did not participate in conversation or debate, and observed how they are going in circles?

Communication is about delivering a message, and making sure that it is understood by the other person. Pinning the problem on "lack of communication" is missing the root cause. Lack of communication is the outcome, not the cause. The real problem is a lack of listening. People generally speak way more than they listen, so if we are all talking and not listening enough, we might as well be having a monologue.